Quick Boundaries Assessment

Your mother invites you for dinner, but you already have other plans. What do you normally do:

Change your plans to avoid upsetting her

Feel pressured and try to figure out how you can do both in the same night

Tell her that you have other plans and suggest another day/time

Your colleague is swamped with work and reaches out for your help. You, however, have a deadline yourself. You would:

Reply that you aren't available to help out

Work overtime, hoping you can help your colleague and meet your deadline too

Reply that you're busy but feel bad for not being able to help them

Your partner thinks you should say sorry to them for something you did. You, on the other hand, don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong. You would:

Apologize to avoid a confrontation

Become angry at them and tell them how it is

Do not apologize and ask them to explain their point of view

Your child's school is looking for a parent who can lead a project for a few months until they find suitable replacement. There are many parents available, but no one is really offering to fill the role. You are super busy yourself. You:

You decline to take on the project, it’s already way too busy.

Accept to take on the project and try to rework your planning so you can make it work

You decline to take on the project but feel really guilty for not being supportive

You dread spending the holidays with your family because it always ends in drama due to your differing opinions. You:

Find a reason to stay home because you do not want to be dealing with this

You go and feel fine, you steer clear from complicated conversations and have fun together

You go, but you are on your feel stressed and on your toes.

One of your friends calls to ask you for a loan of $300 for this month’s rent. It is not the first time they call you for a loan. You:

Lend the money because you have it and saying no would really make you feel bad.

Tell him that you can't give him money because you really can’t spare the money.

Tell him that you feel uncomfortable loaning him the money.

You’re about to leave work/close shop for a well-deserved vacation. Your manager/client unexpectedly asks you to help them out with several tasks. You:

Respond that you're unavailable because you’re going on vacation and will be available when you are back.

You postpone your vacation with a day to help them out.

Agree to work on it during your vacation.

Your teenage child loves playing online games. You have agreed that after a certain time in the evening, they cannot play online games anymore. Your teenage child fights you on this. You:

Remind them of the time when its time to stop gaming, but then let it slide to avoid a confrontation.

You suggest a conversation about how you two can make this work.

You end up in a fight about it or unplug the internet.

Your partner is trying to lose weight and is following a diet. They decide to order a hamburger, fries and coke tonight. You:

Try to convince them to order healthier food, which might end up in a discussion or even a fight

Tell them your concerned about his health, and that their behavior affects your relationship.

Give them the silent treatment and let them eat their food.

Carry on as normal.

During an evening out, one of your friends is making a joke that you find offensive. You:

Look disapproving, hoping they will pick up the hint.

Take him aside at a later moment and express how you feel.

Say nothing because you don’t want to disrupt the nice evening out for anyone.

A colleague seems to continuously take credit for work that you have been doing. You:

Don’t bring it up, avoiding a confrontation.

Bring it up with your colleague as soon as you get the chance.

Feel undervalued and underappreciated.

Quick Boundaries Assessment

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