What Squash Are You?
You're at a fall fair. What activity are you rocking with?
Hayride but like a "funny haha middle America" hayride not a "scared shitless in a field" hayride
Consuming so much apple cider that you become a C-list Marvel superhero "Ciderella"
Bobbing for apples but accidentally waterboarding yourself in the process
Riding a hastily constructed flying saucer ride operated by meth-addicted 17 year olds
Visiting the Firefighter's Fund for Child Burn Victims Haunted House
Bee-lining for the petting zoo so you can test out your goat impression
In your opinion, which of the following meet the criteria for being classified as "squash?"
Zucchini
Lane and Luma's spines
Joe Jonas
Leonardo DiCaprio
Hello Kitty
The lizard currently squatting in the lab kitchen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "I hate pumpkin spice and those who consume it with the fire to warm the planet's ambient temperature by 5 degrees" and 10 "I am currently consuming a PSL through an IV drip," how much do you enjoy pumpkin spice?
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2
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9
10
It's movie night. What are you watching?
Scream VI: I would die for Jenna Ortega
The Little Mermaid (live action, 2023): all my problems would be solved if I had fins and everyone has to deal with the consequences
Barbie Fairytopia Magic of the Rainbow: My little sister broke the Barbie Mermaidia dvd so this was our second choice.
Pulp Fiction: Idk I was on a date with some douchey guy wanted to introduce me to "true cinema" and here we are.
Roman Holiday: dreaming of true love and black and white vespa-riding montages
I don't have a tv. Or electricity. Or a house. I am a vegetable
If Brian were to dress up for Halloween, what costume would you find the most terrifying/ offputting?
Bad Ken
Winnie the Pooh
Brett Kavanaugh
Ru Paul
Charles Darwin
Chucky
What Fall 2023 puppy would be the most desirable dinner companion?
Joplin
Jamal
Luma
Lane
I'm a cat person
In your lumberjack fantasy, what plaid would your ideal man be wearing to chop down pines in the woods of New Hampshire?
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0
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0
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What Durham breakfast spot/ coffee shop has your heart?
Starbucks pickup: Coffee: $6. Not speaking to anyone: priceless.
Monuts: I love you in spite of your shitty wifi.
Mad Hatters: I may see every undergrad I know but I shall overcome.
Cloche Coffee: she's my long distance low commitment live in girlfriend who I can only see for 1 hour at a time
Guglhupf: I can't say it but their baked goods >>>
Grub: we forgive you for the Darwin Day party
YES/NO: "Squash" can also function as a verb. Example: "Polar is squashing. He's doing rabbit feet again."
YES: People and dogs can fall in and out of squash. Since they're not squash all of the time, it's important to distinguish when they are actively squashing.
NO: If I have to hear the word squash one more time, I'm going to scream.
I've gone decades without understanding the difference between an adjective and a verb, and I don't intend to start now.
What Fall 2023 lab scandal lives rent free in your brain?
J-Gate
Emily walking in on Brian's Netflix makeup-- "I am shaken to my core"
Airport superspreader event
L's Oscar-winning dramatic performance in the motion picture "Backache"
Gabrielle Bunnell, Fulbright Scholar
Someone thinking the DPK puppies gave them rabies
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