Semicolons, Colons, and Copyeditors, Oh My: What Kind of Grammar Snob Are You?

Ok kids first of all; what's your favorite kind of punctuation?

Semicolons and colons obviously that's the name of the quiz

I just really like commas

Ellipses, because I'm pretentious

I don't like punctuation it's dumb

Because this is an Educational Quiz, which of the following is using a colon correctly?

He got the prize he'd been working towards: he really earned it.

Let's go to Burger King to study: it's the only place I can concentrate

I didn't pay enough attention in Core: for instance, I thought that Kant was a kind of cereal.

Heh you said colon

Ok y'all answer me this; which of the following is true? (haha see what I did there I used a semicolon in a question because I'm meta)

Semicolons are usually used to link two unrelated sentences

Semicolons most commonly link two independent clauses with related thoughts

Semicolons can be used with any two sentences you want to shove together

A semicolon is a type of bread

And, once again, which of the following is true, but of colons this time?

Colons can be used to link any two sentences

Colons are most commonly used to link a list with its contents

Aren't colons the name of that one alien race from Star Trek

Colons should only be used in times of dire need, like the sword in the stone

Which of these bad boys is using a semicolon correctly?

He had three things on his mind; seahorses, peanut butter, and his grandmother's teeth

I don't have any classes tomorrow; let's go out and party tonight, lads

His anger; at the sun; for being so bright; was overwhelming

I refuse to participate because I'm a sad sad little person

Choose a song lyric that uses a semicolon or a colon

I don't wanna die; I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all (Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen)

A comma and a fucking dot; semicolon (Semicolon, The Lonely Island)

I seen shorty; she was checking up on me (Yeah, Usher)

I have never once listened to a song with a semicolon or colon because I only listen to instrumental French death reggae

Choose a Grammatical Sin (and then go pray because these are unforgivable you monster)

...using a colon where a semicolon should be? No, you're right, that's taking it too far

Using seven commas in the same sentence like I'm William Faulkner

Writing in Wingdings so that the grammatical rules of English no longer apply

Starting a revolution, eating the rich, and cancelling all punctuation for the rest of forever

And, finally; what's the one big thing that we learned from Casagrande about colons, semicolons, and dashes (helpfully taught to us through a story about a copyeditor and a journalist)?

That questions about whether to use a colon, semicolon, or dash are often just judgment calls

That you should blaze blindly forward with your punctuation choices and never listen to anyone else's opinion

That copyeditors are always correct and should be trusted implicitly

That if someone disagrees with you, you should draw a semicolon on their face like a mustache while they sleep

Semicolons, Colons, and Copyeditors, Oh My: What Kind of Grammar Snob Are You?

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