CBF Coaching Certification Course

 

Session #3

 

How can you tell which of these you have achieved during your coaching? What questions should you be asking?

What is coaching? 

In the scripture above, Jesus modeled the process he would continue to use in his entire  ministry while with us on planet earth. It contains these two essential components (Listening  and Questioning) for all that He wanted to accomplish in the building-up of individuals who  would comprise His earthly kingdom, called the church. At some point, you also may have  come to this same conclusion, that it is just as important to follow what Jesus did as well as to  do what Jesus said. Effective coaching must follow His example. 

These two words are the foundation for all successful “Coaching.” Coaching is a common  sports term describing what an individual leader does and says to bring the very best out of an  athlete. It implies much of the same core meaning when the Bible uses terms like Shepherding  and Discipleship. It results in a person’s improvement through specific encouragement from  the guidance of a person in whom they have developed trust.  

But, according to the sequence portrayed in this verse, coaching cannot be done until good  Listening and Questioning has happened. To be successful as a coach, one must be able to  listen and ask questions in three different and sequential modes. Your “listening Mode Level”  will determine both the type and timing of your probing questions. When done skillfully, your  coaching objectives for a specific coachee will be discovered. Your mode of listening answers  the question as to “why” and for “on what” you will need to focus in your coaching. We’ve all  met people who do not listen. They are only intent on being “heard” and do not intend to  “hear.” But for those realizing that good coaching begins with good relationships and good  relationships begins with good listening, here are the three Listening Mode levels in which a  coach must become proficient: (They are listed here in their natural and progressive order in  which they occur in a typical coaching session.)

 

Listening Mode Level #1: Listen to hear  

(Underlying Principle: The more time the coachee is assisted in talking, the more understood they  will feel, and the more understood they feel, the more trusting of you as a coach they will  become.) 

Some over-anxious coaches are waiting to hear certain “buzz” words pop up in the  conversation. Once they do, they pounce as if they just got the “green” light to start in their  premature coaching. There is an observable impatience in this type of listener; they want to  coach something and move on to the next item on their “to do” list. And as soon as they hear  certain familiar “words” in the emerging conversation, they believe they have just been granted  permission to interrupt the conversation and coach by pontificating on their opinions and/or  advice. This type of superficial listener will not connect with the coachee and their hasty  coaching advice will not be embraced because they do not feel understood. Here are some  suggested questions (general samples) that are appropriate early in your coaching session  while you are in “Listening Mode #1. They will jumpstart a good robust conversation that will  advance you to the next Listening Mode.

Listening Mode Level #2: Listen to discern. (Underlying principle: Things are rarely what they  seem. To reveal reality, the coach must “peel the onion” to expose the pertinent fundamental  drivers that are impairing excellence in this area.) 

This type of listening can only be done by an individual coach who is equally paying attention  as to what is not being said and not only to what is being said. You, as a coach, must have  enough curiosity to want to go deeper and a not be satisfied with superficiality. As a coach,  you understand the necessity of knowing the underlying causes. The coach must know the root  drivers of the issues being surfaced in the conversation. The coach will go the “second mile” in  their probing and questioning to uncover information and insight that others would miss.  These types of disciplined coaches resist the urge to prematurely come to conclusions. They  know that for every “effect,” there is a “cause” and they will not rest until they uncover it. They  also know that every situation has a “context” and they refuse to draw premature conclusion  until every piece of the mosaic context has been unearthed and put into its rightful place and  the “big” picture can be clearly seen. One this has been achieved, you, as a coach, need to move on to the third Listening mode. Here are some general sample questions you can insert  into your coaching conversation that can advance your coaching session by enabling you to  become more discerning:

Listening mode Level #3: Listen to feel. (Underlying Principle, people make initial decisions  on self-improvement, more based on their “feelings” than on their logic.) 

This is the deepest kind of listening. It is motivated by empathy and sensitivity for the coachee  behind the issues being discussed. The Coach wants to feel what their prospects are feeling.  The coach understands that, ultimately, a person will only end up doing what they “feel” like  doing. Therefore, they know that accurate predictions of behavior enhancement can only be  made when an individual’s motivating feelings are known and have been favorably enrolled  into the behavior improvement equation. Effective coaching must go beyond mentally  understanding what the behavior change will mean to the coachee, the coach must know what  the improvement will mean to the individual emotionally, Success in this specific area will make  the coachee feel _______. Effective coaching masters both the science and art of getting the  “real” feelings surfaced. Much like a skillful therapist, the coach evokes and supports the  coachee in owning and managing their feelings. 

Before the coachee can or will become transparent with their personal feelings, you as a coach,  will need to model emotional transparency with your own feelings. The coach’s individual  transparency creates a comfortable environment for their coachee to “open up” and reveal  hidden emotions that could have stopped the improvement process. This gives the coachee an  opportunity to convert any negative emotions to positive feelings that will advance the  improvement process. To have these types of honest and open conversations that lead to  healthy results, here are some sample questions that you may find helpful: